Have you ever noticed how, in the economy of Christ, everything seems to get turned upside down? The weakest are the strongest (2 Cor. 12:10); the last shall be first (Mark 10:31); the humble are exalted (Luke 14:11), you must lost your life to find it (Matt. 10:39); we die to live (2 Cor. 4:10).

Paradoxes abound throughout God’s word.

A PASTORAL PARADOX

It was May 27, 2012 when we told Providence Church, where I currently served as an Associate Pastor, of the Lord’s calling us out to plant a church in nearby McKinney, TX. I preached a brief sermon at the end of the service on Matthew 28:18-20 titled, “Why We Go.” At the end of the sermon I asked the church members to pray for us in our new endeavor saying, “We are confidently terrified about the work God has laid before us.”

The phrase “confidently terrified” proved quite memorable for many people at the church and became, in many ways, my personal emblem for planting IDC. I was confident in Christ’s promise to build his church, confident in what what God required from His shepherds, and confident in who His church was supposed to be. I was simultaneously terrified at the many unknowns on the horizon: “Where would we meet? Would anyone want to come? Why leave something going so well for something so uncertain?”

I stand on the precipice of completing two years as pastor of IDC and remain as confidently terrified as ever. It’s a pastoral paradox I cannot escape.

MATTERS OF CONFIDENCE & TERROR

After two years of pastoral responsibilities for sheep of whom I must give an account, here’s where I see confidence growing in my ministry:

• The sufficiency of Scripture
• The power of the gospel
• The kindness of the Spirit
• The sovereign grace of God
• The clarity of God’s word for healthy ministry
• The promises of God in our suffering
• The sustaining strength of the ordinary means
• The joy of devoted Christian fellowship
• The generosity of God to meet our needs

And the list could go on. “But,” the peanut gallery asks, “what terrifies you?” Here’s the thing, I don’t have a laundry list of terrors anymore. Only one thing falls into the “terrifying” category: me. I find nothing outside of me to be terrifying; only what’s inside causes me to tremble.

“But,” those spiritual peanuts in the gallery cry, “Christ is in you – the hope of glory! Have no fear!” That is a truth worthy of confidence and I promise, I’m really confident in His spiritual presence. I’m just scared of that “old man” who likes to peak his head out from the dungeon of my soul. And I think I should be. Spiritual wisdom says we should never take Old Man for granted. He is a beaten power, but a power nonetheless. Do you remember the great apostle’s cry in Romans 7?

For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death?

That’s the paradox I have in mind; that’s a man confidently terrified in the right ways.

What brings you confidence in ministry? Terror?

HOLD THE TENSION

When John Newton was in the twilight of his earthly pilgrimage he wrote a letter to a friend saying, “When I was young, I was sure of many things. But now that I am old, there are only two things which I am sure of: One is that I am a miserable sinner! Secondly, that Christ is an all-sufficient Savior! He is well taught—who learns these two lessons.”

1) “I am a miserable sinner!” Terror.
2) “Christ is an all-sufficient savior!” Confidence.

Let us learn those lessons well and live within the paradox of being confidently terrified.