For Jacob and Haley.
We gather today as observers of a wedding because God loves to make new things. We are witnessing before our very eyes the formation of a new household through a new marriage. It’s wise for us, especially in the shifting shadows and institutions of the world we live in, to understand what we are watching tonight and why we are watching it. What I first want to do, then, is briefly outline what the Bible understands marriage to be – I want to help us all meditate on that. After, I want to encourage Jacob and Haley individually in the God-given design of husband and wife.
To the Witnesses
It is a wondrous thing to know a God who providentially rules and governs everything in the universe. Ephesians 1 tells us he works all things to the counsel of his will, to the praise of His glory. So then it is no accident we are here tonight; God has been on the move in the lives of Jacob and Haley.
Marriage is not something we create, but it is something God purposes to sing and shout His grace. It began all the way back in the Garden of Eden. Right after the Lord created Eve, the Bible says something surprising. Adam had found no helper suitable to him among all the beasts that he had named, it was not good for him to be alone, and so God caused a deep sleep to come upon him, removed a rib from his side, and fashioned a woman out of it. God then presented the woman to the man, and his first words—the first human words uttered in the Bible—were words of poetry in praise of the gift he had been given. And what does the next verse say? It says that every marriage after that point should in some fashion be an imitation of this one. It uses the word therefore. Here it is: “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). God gives us four vital elements of marriage in this one verse. It is an exclusive relationship. It says that a man shall cleave to his wife. The baseline pattern is one man, one woman, one time. Second, marriage is a public relationship. Notice that it says that a man shall leave his father and mother. This is something that people notice. It is public. Third, it is a permanent relationship. The text says that the man is united to his wife. He cleaves to her. Jesus, later in quoting Genesis 2 says, “What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” And fourth, marriage is a united relationship; the two become one flesh. Thomas Adams said, “God by creation made two of one, so again by marriage He made one of two.”
So these are the normative parts of marriage: it’s an exclusive, public, and permanent union. But we must add a fifth. It is a gospel-declaring relationship. Paul too quotes Genesis 2 (in Ephesians 5) and says the marriage relationship reveals to the world the relationship between Christ and his church. The Bible tells us every person is born in sin and are thus under the wrath of God. They can do absolutely nothing to remedy the Black Plague of Sin that mars their soul. But God, in His great love for sinners like you and me, sent His Son Jesus Christ to live the perfect life we were supposed to live and die the death we were supposed to die. Three days later He rose again and now reigns at the Father’s right hand. He reaches down and gives eternal life to all who turn from their sin and trust in Him. This is the gospel, the good news. By His blood He ransomed His church, which the Bible also calls His bride.
And marriage, under the gracious sovereignty of God, is meant to declare and display this good news through the relationship between a husband and wife. Now we give our attention to the about-to-be husband.
To the Groom
Jacob, your role as a husband is clear as crystal: in your love and leadership of Haley you are to reflect the love and leadership of Jesus over His church. This means foundationally that you are to love Haley with a love that knows no height, breadth, length, or depth. It is a love ordinarily typified by sacrifice. You must give yourself every day to see your Haley grow and increase in the grace and knowledge of God. This assumes therefore that you are growing as well. Do not let your affections for the Lord run dry, for the minute your affectional-river drains is the minute your leadership of Haley runs on the fumes of small smoke, rather than the full flame of God. Be diligent to cultivate a deeper sense of the unsearchable riches of Christ. And keep everything in proper proportion. Haley, as wonderful as she is not meant to satisfy you, she is meant to come alongside you and help you glorify God, help you together find nothing more satisfying than our great God.
To the Bride
Haley, the kindness of God means we also don’t have to guess at what He wants you to be as a wife. Just as the church serves, submits, and dedicates herself to the Lord Jesus, so too are you to give of yourself to follow Jacob – wherever our good God leads. You are both created in the image of God and thus stand before Him as equals in Christ, yet your roles are different. To submit to Jacob as the church submits to Christ means you have a growing inclination to follow Jacob’s leadership and a delighted disposition to yield to his decisions. Doing this, you will glorify God by relating to your husband the way that the church is to relate to Christ. If you are walking with God—constantly thanking Him for His moment-by-moment grace and continually calling on Him for help—you will find your God-appointed role to be like rich, fertile, pleasant soil, and like a beautiful flower of a wife you will flourish.
To You Both
William Carey once said, “Expect great things from God. Attempt great things for God.” God is giving you a great thing in this marriage. You must now use this marriage to do great things for God. You must remember, great things are never easy things. When you step down from this stage as husband and wife you enter a spiritual battlefield unlike any other you’ve ever faced. Marriage is meant reveal the gospel and the Snake hates the gospel. He will launch a frontal assault to destroy your joy in marriage so that God will not get the glory He must receive. But do not fear the bared teeth and destructive pursuit of this roaring lion named Satan; Jesus, the Lion of Judah, has conquered. Your marriage is one to be lived as a visible announcement to the world of Jesus’ victory.
So then, let me end by encouraging you to pray for and pursue four things at you attempt great things through this great union of marriage.
Pray for and pursue holiness. Marriage is meant to make you holy, and holiness is the ultimate happiness. Jacob, what Haley needs from you more than anything else is your personal holiness. Haley, what Jacob needs from you more than anything else is your personal holiness. Strive with the Spirit’s power, through the word, for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord and no marriage can find its intended delight.
Pray for and pursue wisdom. When God set Solomon as king over Israel He appeared one night and said, “Ask what I shall give you.” Solomon said, “Give me now wisdom . . . for who can govern this people of yours, which is so great?” We can something similar about this covenant relationship. Who can glorify God in marriage, which is so great? Those who are wise in Christ. The treasures of wisdom are hidden in Christ and they come from the fear of God; get those treasures through that fear.
Pray for and pursue humility. Pride is Satan’s favorite tactic of assault; slay it with humility. Each of you, have the mind of Christ, and count the other as better than yourself.
Pray for and pursue joy. Joy in God is the fountainhead from which joy in each other flows. Sin and Satan will rapidly want you to be bored with each other and grow cold towards each other. If you let joy in God be your constant song you will then find your home to a symphony of love for each other and glory for God.
In the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit, amen.